so once again i'm standing over the reflecting pool of my life..... i'm pondering the days of pregnancy, my horror and fear of having to work while someone else raised my child...... how will he grow up with out me there all the time... or at least most of the time? my mom was there growing up... of course we were poor as hell.... but when your five years old thats nothing a bucket of mud can't fix... i feel guilty.... my son is going to miss out on having me be there for alot of things my mom got to do with me.... it was wonderful being young and knowing my mother would always be there... even though she always tried to get me to go play outside.... and i think she under estimates how much she means to me and my sister and her two beautiful grandbabies.... thats just the ways she is... thinking of other people.... god knows what kind of hooligan i would have become with out her home, cuz god knows i wasn't far off with her there.... *grin* theres just something to be said about knowing someone will be there when you unexpectedly knock on their door, will answer the phone when you call (and ask if your eileen) will say yes to an impromptu babysitting request.... that one person that when your full of fear and sadness you ball in front of without knowing why.... who somehow either knows the answers or gives you a new direction to go in... who loves you no matter what an asshole you were in the past.... hmmmmm..... reflections..... shadows of lives lived....mirrors into souls....
advice for today:
reflect, remember, love
"you can't unfuck yourself"
you've been fucked... know it, deal with it, and put it behind you
(my fav. quote from college life)
Saturday, October 08, 2005
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3 comments:
you can take my job... i'm sick of it.. sick of driving mostly. i blame my job for me getting fat. it takes no energy, and i'm sure i don't burn that many calories listening to the radio for 4 hours a day.
I believe college gets ya fat, even though it seems ya gettin lots of walkin... what would kill me with the drivin is not getting out to stretch all the time- i have to.
Finally, some one besides naggy me leaving comments first!
News for ya BBM, ya were a hulligan with me home, though I'm sure those naughty neighbors had something to do with it! Ya can't control the kids future, only give em an example ya hope they notice someday! I'm just glad ya grew outa hating me... finally! Was a long wait!
it's funny... mom thinks your eileen, and for the longest time she tought i was jessica c. lol
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